Antithesis and Me

Wikipedia Definition:
Antithesis (Greek for "setting opposite", from ἀντί "against" + θέσις "position") is a counter-proposition and denotes a direct contrast to the original proposition. In setting the opposite, an individual brings out of a contrast in the meaning (e.g., the definition, interpretation, or semantics) by an obvious contrast in the expression.


You are probably wondering, “What is he raving about now”? Well I’m going to describe a very funny experience that I had the other day which I was totally not expecting. It was the 25th of April 2010….a Sunday and finally got conformation of my tickets to the IPL final’s, For the mentally challenged, IPL or Indian Premier League is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Premier_League...................................................................................................... hail Wikipedia!!


Anyways so after a lot of buildup I was excited that I would get to see a live game of cricket. Cricket!!. This game Is the single largest source of entertainment for the billion or so people in India. Everybody has an opinion about it, everybody watches it, everybody wants to be a team selector, and everybody says it’s been fixed every time India loses or wins for that matter and yet everybody watches and talks about each and every match. Are we a society of hypocrites or what! So I arrived at the stadium on time and bought the jersey of the team I was supporting and headed to my seats. First up, I must say that the regulatory authorities did their job very well, Handling 60000 Idiots including myself without any problems or hiccups is quite an achievement, and I appreciate a job well done. That being said I must point out something that amused and the same time angered me. You see mobile phones are not allowed in the stadium for reasons that I do not wish to debate. So these dudes check you thoroughly at least at 4 different check posts, So you might believe that it is relatively difficult to smuggle in a phone…………………………….Ummmmmm Nope!!!!
U see the poor security people check everything but your groin regions for Mobiles for obvious reasons. So there were people resembling flea infested mongrels with phones in the stadium which smelt of their pee. I mean I understand that rules are meant to be broken, But if someone breaks a rule because He/she is absolutely up against a wall and their life depends on it..I can understand ……But what was the desperation here…..Probably these physco’s wanted to call their parent’s in the event that a bomb blew up below their seats and left a gaping hole where it wasn’t necessary.
Moving on, the closing ceremony started on schedule and A.R.Rahman, Bipasha Basu and Shahid Kapoor performed, quite good I might add, Quite frankly though the laser show was my favorite. From the place I was sitting Bipasha was looking like an ant in a really short dress!! .
Buisness went on as usual the match started and got over, I dint wait for the presentation ceremony as the team I was supporting lost. So I got out and came home.
You are probably thinking that I have forgotten to write something that justifies my title here. Well you would be wrong. The real meaning to my title starts with my thought process after coming home.
We in India revere our cricketers. We think they are gods in sports jerseys!!. Well I’m sorry to burst your bubble but at the end of the day when you see them live they are just a bunch of 22 men in brightly colored outfits playing cricket !!. Don’t get me wrong they are all very skillful at what they do and should be respected for that purpose. All that I’m saying is that it’s so damn stupid !!....they are projected as larger than life individuals in media but when you actually see them in person it makes you feel dumb and absolutely stupid……..that millions of dollars and years of planning and billions of ego’s are attached to these 3 hours. I feel bad for those poor men in the field…….Somewhere along the line our stupidity has made this sport a pot pourri of a lot of cross purposes…..which incidentally, does not include the game!!. In my mind F1 racing is a far more skillful game and needs far more concentration of all senses and fitness. Why is it then that the best we could come up with is an Idiot………
And its not just F1 either, there are other games which are far more entertaining……why Cricket??
Is is because we won the 1983 world cup?.....If we were to think about that victory in our current way of thinking, I’m pretty sure that we would realize, that was probably the first instance of match fixing in the modern era….Following are Wikipedia excerpts which may make you think about it…….
The 1983 Cricket World Cup (aka Prudential Cup, 1983) was the third edition of the tournament. It was held from 9 June to 25 June 1983 in England and was won by India. Eight countries participated in the event. The preliminary matches were played in two groups of four teams each, and each country played the others in its group twice. The top two teams in each group qualified for the semi-finals.
The matches consisted of 60 overs per team and were played in traditional white clothing and with red balls. They were all played during the day.
The 1983 World Cup was full of dramatic cricket right from the start. Teams like India and Zimbabwe who were not playing well at those times scored upset victories over the West Indies and Australia respectively. England, Pakistan, India and tournament favourites West Indies qualified for the semifinals.
In the final, India lost the toss and were asked to bat first against a West Indies team that arguably boasted the world's best bowling attack. Only Mohinder Amarnath (26 from 80 balls) andKris Srikkanth (38 from 57 balls) put up any significant resistance as Roberts, Marshall, Joel Garner and Michael Holding ripped through the Indian batsmen, ably supported by Gomes. Surprising resistance by the tail allowed India to compile 183 (all out, 54.4 overs). Only three sixes were hit in the Indian innings, one from Srikkanth, one from Sandeep Patil (27 from 29 balls), and one from Madan Lal (17 from 27 balls). However, the Indian bowling exploited the weather and pitch conditions perfectly to bowl out the best batting lineup of the era for 140 from 52 overs in return, winning by 43 runs and completing one of the most stunning upsets in cricket history, defeating the previously invincible West Indies. Amarnath and Madan Lal (3-31) each took three wickets, and one memorable moment was the sight of Kapil Dev running a great distance (about 18-20 yards) to take a catch to dismiss Richards, the West Indies top scorer with 33 from 28 balls. Amarnath was the most economical bowler, conceding just 12 runs from his seven overs while taking 3 wickets, and was once again awarded the Man of the Match award for his all-round performance. [3] There was no 'Man of the Series' awarded in 1983.

Are we learning yet??

At this point I know that this article is getting way too long…….so I will end it……with just one thought…..why the fuck are we addicted to this sport which is quite simply over-rated. Is it because that this is the only sport we are good at ? I don’t think so…it’s because of us the aam janata, We are so retarded the the only thing that we understand is a man hitting a spheroid with a plank of wood!!!
So don’t give it so much importance and give other sports a fighting chance……and maybe we will be an all round country and not just a cricketing nation. Jack of all trades, master of some!!......we have the talent…and the money….Trust me…

My Apologies

Hey guys im sorry for this unprecedented delay in my next article, Rest assured it will be up in a couple of days...

An Alternative to Corruption(On The Roads)

Hello guys. Sorry for the delay in posting. Today I shall deal with the topic of rampant corruption that plagues our society. Ok, so as the title suggests I am going to give you an alternative to corruption……which is really pointless actually……since most of you blokes don’t really care as long as you get off by paying 50 bucks to the traffic cop for “chai-pani”……after jumping a red light. But here’s the thing….i have a suggestion which will lower our problems ….while tackling this very arrogance…for our own good. So here goes …..
Let me start this one off with a quote: “Corruption exists everywhere in the world; the difference is that in the developed nations it happens at selected levels and situations, while in developing nations it happens at every god forsaken level”—The Physco who thinks he’s making a difference by posting this.
My remedy to this problem is simple…………”Selective Corruption”.
See, it is practically impossible to completely get rid of corruption in human’s, it’s just our nature…..what we can do is channelize it. There was a song in a recent film called 3 idiots…….the film itself was a pile of dung which could only be enjoyed if you surgically removed the logical side of your brain. But there is a line in the song I’m talking about in which the protagonist says that his father introduced him to corruption at an early stage by offering him a watch only if he got 90% in his exam. Quite true…..but look at it this way…….at the end of the day that 90% was going to benefit the child in an immense manner….the parent didn’t do it for an ulterior motive. The same way what I’m suggesting is that do not accept bribes or give bribes for the heck of it….look at the larger picture…understand the repercussions of those bribes.
Ok now I know what you guys must be thinking……this guy is nuts, he wants us to give/accept bribes only of it’s doing someone else any good…….i mean are you retarded or what……the reason we give/accept bribes is for our own well being and no one else. Quite Right…..but there’s a catch……let me give you a scenario….both for the point of view of the giver and taker of the bribe.
Scenario: A dude in a spanking new car is way beyond the stop line on a signal and technically he has broken it.
Point of view of the giver a.k.a “Retard”: Alright so the retard has a severe case of loose motions and he has absolutely got to get home or wherever it is that he is going 35 seconds faster than he normally would. Here are the repercussion’s,
a. He’s has created a traffic jam because the guys who’s signal is green are travelling across his lane
b. Assuming that the cops are there, he’s created a mess for them to clear up.
c. If the cops are not there(which is more likely), he’s created a bigger mess because the guys who were waiting for the signal to turn green have also now got a case of loose motion and find it to much to control their bowels for 35 seconds, so they pile on behind the first daredevil.
d. Think about the guys whose signal was green in the first place…..they are fucked and are now suddenly very shitty (You see its contagious).
e. Their ego is hurt too, since they all feel they are the prime minister (with weak bowels) and have right to first passage.
f. At the end of it all we have a very very very very very smelly intersection!!
All this because a one son of a bitch who couldn’t control his poo for 35 sec. Now this dude is fearless you see because he knows that even if he got caught, he’d be off in 50 bucks, surely that’s not as important or difficult as controlling his poo now, is it!!

Point of view of the receiver a.k.a the “Uniformed Terrorist”: alright so this guy is probably hidden under a tree at the same intersection and is waiting for someone to do something wrong so he can turn up like a magician and make some money!!.....so the moment he sees the car dude creating havoc ….he is ecstatic……!!!...but he doesn’t do anything……you see he’s inspired by James bond……he plans to make a last minute entry and be a hero. So like a crocodile waiting patiently for its moment of glory. He waits till the traffic jam builds up…….then swoops in and clears it up and makes the car pull up at the side of the road with a smug look on his face. The car guy pulls out a 50 bucker and he is on his way again.

What this absolute idiocrity ensures is that the bastard behind the wheel of the car continues doing this for the rest of his miserable life and gets away with it. Nothing major you may think…..but how many other people has he inconvenienced in the bargain?? ……and this sheer arrogance on the part of the driver and sheer lack of any self-respect on the part of the law upholders is what creates traffic jams. Observe…….the next time you are in a jam……everybody drives like there is a nuke in their asses and it will explode if they go second….!!!.

Ok. Now how will selective corruption help?

Here is a kind of a flow chart…..try and make sense out of it if you can!!
!
!
!
No one in developed countries dares to offer a bribe to a traffic cop.
!
!
!
Well that’s because they are paid well by their administration so they don’t accept them
!
!
!
Suggestion (for those of you that might get into traffic administration): Why don’t you give half of the amount collected in fines to the cop who collected them?....the minimum fine is Rs.100, so the cop gains Rs. 50 in either case so that’s motivation enough……ain’t it?
If you are saying that that won’t contribute to the govt. think again….the tax collected will still be far far more than what it is..
!
!
!
How will it help us….we won’t be able to jump signals and not where seat belts.
!
!
!
You won’t need to jump signals because traffic will be more orderly and a higher average speed can be maintained ….saving time in effect. As to the second one……I have only one thing to say to you…………you Utterly degenerate, flea infested baboon….the seat belt is for your safety not the pot bellied cop’s safety.


So there you have it…..a problem and a solution!!!......See this is good corruption!!.....the govt. is offering a bribe to the cops to do their work better....when its done in such a way the terminology changes to something called incentives!!!...........my god!!........I’m good at this !!
If you have any suggestions or objections please write into: ithinkyouareamoron@impracticaladvice.co.in ……alternatively you can post a comment and I shall address it individually.....Or if there are enough…… post another article answering those……..
See Ya!!