Hello guys. Sorry for the delay in posting. Today I shall deal with the topic of rampant corruption that plagues our society. Ok, so as the title suggests I am going to give you an alternative to corruption……which is really pointless actually……since most of you blokes don’t really care as long as you get off by paying 50 bucks to the traffic cop for “chai-pani”……after jumping a red light. But here’s the thing….i have a suggestion which will lower our problems ….while tackling this very arrogance…for our own good. So here goes …..
Let me start this one off with a quote: “Corruption exists everywhere in the world; the difference is that in the developed nations it happens at selected levels and situations, while in developing nations it happens at every god forsaken level”—The Physco who thinks he’s making a difference by posting this.
My remedy to this problem is simple…………”Selective Corruption”.
See, it is practically impossible to completely get rid of corruption in human’s, it’s just our nature…..what we can do is channelize it. There was a song in a recent film called 3 idiots…….the film itself was a pile of dung which could only be enjoyed if you surgically removed the logical side of your brain. But there is a line in the song I’m talking about in which the protagonist says that his father introduced him to corruption at an early stage by offering him a watch only if he got 90% in his exam. Quite true…..but look at it this way…….at the end of the day that 90% was going to benefit the child in an immense manner….the parent didn’t do it for an ulterior motive. The same way what I’m suggesting is that do not accept bribes or give bribes for the heck of it….look at the larger picture…understand the repercussions of those bribes.
Ok now I know what you guys must be thinking……this guy is nuts, he wants us to give/accept bribes only of it’s doing someone else any good…….i mean are you retarded or what……the reason we give/accept bribes is for our own well being and no one else. Quite Right…..but there’s a catch……let me give you a scenario….both for the point of view of the giver and taker of the bribe.
Scenario: A dude in a spanking new car is way beyond the stop line on a signal and technically he has broken it.
Point of view of the giver a.k.a “Retard”: Alright so the retard has a severe case of loose motions and he has absolutely got to get home or wherever it is that he is going 35 seconds faster than he normally would. Here are the repercussion’s,
a. He’s has created a traffic jam because the guys who’s signal is green are travelling across his lane
b. Assuming that the cops are there, he’s created a mess for them to clear up.
c. If the cops are not there(which is more likely), he’s created a bigger mess because the guys who were waiting for the signal to turn green have also now got a case of loose motion and find it to much to control their bowels for 35 seconds, so they pile on behind the first daredevil.
d. Think about the guys whose signal was green in the first place…..they are fucked and are now suddenly very shitty (You see its contagious).
e. Their ego is hurt too, since they all feel they are the prime minister (with weak bowels) and have right to first passage.
f. At the end of it all we have a very very very very very smelly intersection!!
All this because a one son of a bitch who couldn’t control his poo for 35 sec. Now this dude is fearless you see because he knows that even if he got caught, he’d be off in 50 bucks, surely that’s not as important or difficult as controlling his poo now, is it!!
Point of view of the receiver a.k.a the “Uniformed Terrorist”: alright so this guy is probably hidden under a tree at the same intersection and is waiting for someone to do something wrong so he can turn up like a magician and make some money!!.....so the moment he sees the car dude creating havoc ….he is ecstatic……!!!...but he doesn’t do anything……you see he’s inspired by James bond……he plans to make a last minute entry and be a hero. So like a crocodile waiting patiently for its moment of glory. He waits till the traffic jam builds up…….then swoops in and clears it up and makes the car pull up at the side of the road with a smug look on his face. The car guy pulls out a 50 bucker and he is on his way again.
What this absolute idiocrity ensures is that the bastard behind the wheel of the car continues doing this for the rest of his miserable life and gets away with it. Nothing major you may think…..but how many other people has he inconvenienced in the bargain?? ……and this sheer arrogance on the part of the driver and sheer lack of any self-respect on the part of the law upholders is what creates traffic jams. Observe…….the next time you are in a jam……everybody drives like there is a nuke in their asses and it will explode if they go second….!!!.
Ok. Now how will selective corruption help?
Here is a kind of a flow chart…..try and make sense out of it if you can!!
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No one in developed countries dares to offer a bribe to a traffic cop.
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Well that’s because they are paid well by their administration so they don’t accept them
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Suggestion (for those of you that might get into traffic administration): Why don’t you give half of the amount collected in fines to the cop who collected them?....the minimum fine is Rs.100, so the cop gains Rs. 50 in either case so that’s motivation enough……ain’t it?
If you are saying that that won’t contribute to the govt. think again….the tax collected will still be far far more than what it is..
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How will it help us….we won’t be able to jump signals and not where seat belts.
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You won’t need to jump signals because traffic will be more orderly and a higher average speed can be maintained ….saving time in effect. As to the second one……I have only one thing to say to you…………you Utterly degenerate, flea infested baboon….the seat belt is for your safety not the pot bellied cop’s safety.
So there you have it…..a problem and a solution!!!......See this is good corruption!!.....the govt. is offering a bribe to the cops to do their work better....when its done in such a way the terminology changes to something called incentives!!!...........my god!!........I’m good at this !!
If you have any suggestions or objections please write into: ithinkyouareamoron@impracticaladvice.co.in ……alternatively you can post a comment and I shall address it individually.....Or if there are enough…… post another article answering those……..
See Ya!!
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